Rags & Chit Chat : Four the Things that Matter Most

It has come to my attention that there are only 4 categories of relationships. Okay, that could be the over organized Virgo in me talking but I think I'm on to something. There may be a few shades of gray within these categories however they remain the umbrellas under which we interact with each other.

While cleaning out my metaphoric and literal closets I started thinking about whom and what deserved to be where in my life. Below are my results;

Partner: This is undoubtedly the most important person and item in your life and closet. Although you have family and friends that you love dearly there is only one person or item with which you share this kind of intimacy. Your partner is the first you call when the news is unbelievably good or disastrous. This person knows you sometimes better than they know themselves.

For some people (like myself) this is a husband, for others perhaps a brother or friend of many years. I've had some great partner practice with some extraordinary people. Those dress rehearsals have made me learn and love who I am so much more so that when I stumble upon my life partner, he's going to be in for a treat.

The equivalent of this partner in my closet is the shoe. Unlike the former, I have many sole mates and am always working on getting more. Shoes make or break any outfit. Often the shoes on my feet cost more than the rest of my entire outfit. Why? Because shoes should be about quality. In many other areas in your closet you can cut the quality corner for a trend or a great interpretation of a classic style. However when it comes to shoes it does not make financial sense to have a closet full of cheap ones that will give up on you after one season. This is the place in your closet worth investing, dry cleaning (for suede shoe lovers) and repairing. A great shoe, like a great partner will give you all the love you give it for a lifetime.

Besties: I had four best friends waiting for me when I got to this life; my mommy and my three sisters. Other than the tattoo the Garnett Girls share there is an irremovable mark that is carved on each other hearts. As for my Mommy, there is no visible mark but her influence and our love is everywhere in my life. These women plus the three other ladies I've selected as family makes me pretty spoiled with lots of sisterhood and the love that comes with it.

I have this same philosophy when it comes to purses. I want them all fly and unique like my besties. Some are classic like my oldest sister Charmille, some are Afro Futuristic like my big sister Tanya while others Sexy Fly like the sister right above me, Quellie. The point is each bag is unique and screams something about me or the me on display at the moment. Bags & besties are like mirrors; they reflect some part of who we really are inside.

Close Friends: I have a few that I love dearly. No, they’re not my best friends but many have been around for years and I’d do almost anything for them. There is love here and these people would have key roles in my Lifetime movie.

This same feeling goes for my jeans. About two years ago I went on a jean strike until I could find the perfect one. I discovered there was no perfect jean after all; like people, each one had its unique imperfection. These days I add a pair or two to my closet when I find an amazing fit but my wardrobe reflects many other options that vary from shorts, rompers, jump suits, pencils skirts, etc… The jeans that remain are versatile and sometimes the only thing, or friend that will do for a certain occasion.

Associates: This group of people aren’t really needed but isn’t life a little more entertaining with them present? Associates. Clearly not friends but people you say polite hellos to. Sometimes, they’re your dentist or perhaps someone from college. They are there to add a splash of color to life.

Trends are just that, a simple way to mix up the classics in your closet. Some will be your go to item for a season and others are hating on you silently (which you discover a season later in pictures from that era). Either way they’re for fun and will always say something about who you thought you were once upon a time.

So, that’s the truth as I know it here from 23 years of life. Insert your own understanding and just remember to be your best because being a mess is just not an option.

Rags & Chit Chat: I'm A Transformer. No Apologies.

by Nykita NynaTouch Garnett on Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at 5:42pm

I must admit I might have a small problem with authority. This rebellious attitude does not reflect my feelings towards all authority, just ones that I dont agree with. This mind set has put me in some interesting situations; illegal parking stickers on my car (hey, why cant I park there?), reports from some of my early school year teachers for having too much opinion (no seriously, this happened in 7th grade, parent/teacher conference and all) and lately my most common disapproval has come in the form of strange looks every time I switch up my hair between weaves/wigs that I rock and my natural hair.

I have some pretty strong opinions about hair as many other women of African descent. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we don't. I do see one repeating source of disagreement amongst myself and my African sisters; the allowance that is allotted to switch up my hair as I please. I refuse to have to pick a side or dare I say box. I am the natural 'soul sista" but I am also the "weavelicious diva". I embrace that complexity of self, unapologetically.

I love weave! Yes, I love the freedom that it permits to experiment with different styles, colors and trends. I am however, not a slave to it like many women that I know. As the prices of this commodity continue to rise, it saddens me to see women around me struggle and/or spend thousands of dollars to make the Indian hair purchase happen. This desperation to continue purchasing consistently is often out of fear of actually rocking ones real hair in its natural form. This self imposed prison and commitment to weave is peculiar to me.

It broke my heart to hear an associate of mine say, 'I just dont feel fly without my weave." I have said this controversial statement before and I shall repeat. The moment that you cannot look at yourself in your natural state; no weave, no fake nails, no contacts, fake eyelashes, etc and feel beautiful, you have a mental issue that you might want to get checked out. This is the heart of self loathing that can easily spread to other parts of your self esteem and overall productivity in life.

There is a whole business dedicated to making women feel inadequate in their self. Check out the billion dollar beauty industry. I refuse to be a victim, although I have been pressured by managers, publicists and producers of all sorts to pick a look (usually one that involves a weave) and stick to it as someone in the entertainment industry.

I find that my carefree attitude towards my switch between weaves/wigs and my natural hair shocks and even makes some people around me uncomfortable. I have been told multiple times that if I was serious about pursuing any career in front of the camera I need to pick a style and stick to it. Ok, the purely logical part of me can understand that my hair switch up could make me difficult to identify, which could be an issue as I establish my brand. However, there are many other ways that I can brand myself outside of my hair. Also, it is very important to me that my brand represents something much bigger than the dead cells or hair that is not mine on my head.

I love Ms. Badu and she embodies the freedom that can be attained in the entertainment industry from such physical pressures. Years before she truly freed herself in her controversial “Window Seat” video, she inspired me with her hair strip tease in the documentary film, Dave Chappelle’s Block Party.

In the midst of Erykah’s performance she flings off the wig that is being challenged by the New York wind and hindering her performance only to reveal her short hair underneath. I love this moment. It represents Erykah’s priorities and dedication to her performance as an artist as well as her challenge to all systems that pretty much demand that women never be seen out of “character” which often involves artificial additives like hair.

As I love weave I also love my natural locks that I’ve been growing for a little over a year since my last chop friendly session. I wear whichever one I am in the mood for on any given day. If I’m rocking a big Foxy Brown inspired afro one day and my short caramel dipped locks the next day; the jig is up, that was a wig and I’m ok with you knowing that. This reality is one of the most freeing ones of my life and I invite you all to join my liberation. Throw out the rule book! The only good hair is healthy hair that does not compromise your health physically, mentally and/or emotionally.

My message here is to love YOU with and without artificial additions. Life’s too short to live in fear and as my Mommy says if you live in fear you might as well die. So do you and just remember to be your best because being a mess is just not an option.